


01001000 01100101 01101100 01110000

by The Curator of The Sands (GrimRevolution)



Series: Voltron Whump Week 2017 [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Mind Control, Mind Control as a metaphor for rape, Non-Consensual, Not Graphic but might be disturbing, Panic Attacks, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Pidge!whump, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 12:13:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11828526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimRevolution/pseuds/The%20Curator%20of%20The%20Sands
Summary: It wasn't even her voice, wasn't hers and was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong, wrong,wrong. One foot moved forward. No,no, she didn't want to, she didn't want to she didn't—Walk.She walked.





	01001000 01100101 01101100 01110000

**Author's Note:**

> very personal and i'll regret posting this eventually  
> l m a o

_Walk_. The voice in the back of her mind demanded and everything else was burning and felt like smoke, fogging up her thoughts until there was just that.  _Walk. Walk. Walk._

It wasn't even her voice, wasn't hers and was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong, wrong, _wrong._ One foot moved forward. No,  _no_ , she didn't want to, she didn't want to she didn't—

 _Walk_.

She walked.

There was warmth spreading up and down her back, up to the base of her neck and seemed to fill her head with something heavy and light that was like floating. Like holding a handful to helium balloons and wondering if they'll just... lift you away. 

She liked it.

 _She hated it_.

She walked. 

Her foot stung for a moment, she must had landed on it wrong, it wasn't quite right. She stopped and the warmth against her back grew hot. The smoke got stuffy. Could she breathe? Her lungs inflated. 

 _Walk_. 

_ _01001110 01101111_ _

She walked.

There was a roaring far away, a waterfall maybe. One of those tall ones that battered the rocks at their base into submission over hundreds of thousands of years. It rose and fell like a tide and she tilted her head to the side to listen to it.

_ _01010000 01101001 01100100 01100111 01100101_ _

She didn't understand.

_01010000 01101001 01100100 01100111 01100101_

_Walk_.

She stopped. 

Something pinched at the back of her neck.

The roaring grew louder. 

 _What is that_ _?_  She asked the voice.  _Where is it coming from?_

 _Walk_.

__01010111 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110000_  _

What?

__01010111 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110000_  _

She didn't understand.

 _Walk_.

The heat grew and her ankle throbbed and there was pain in her ribs and her knee and no, no, please she didn't want that,  _she didn't want that_ —

 _Walk_.

She walked. 

She walked with feet that didn't feel like hers, with a body that didn't belong, trapped in a mind that clunked like a broken machine trying to get the gears to start up again. It was... it wasn't hers. It wasn't hers. It belonged to the voice. Everything belonged to the voice. 

She didn't know why her stomach clenched. 

__01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011_  _

No. No. Not. Theirs. It was theirs. 

_ _01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011_ _

Her legs moved because they voice told them to. Her arms moved because they, too, were told to do so. Nothing. She was nothing. A bit of wiring a motherboard, just there to get it to work.

Nothing more.

_ _01010111 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100111_ _

_Turn._

She turned.

 _Walk_.

She walked.

Another pinch, this time to her ribs, and she stumbled. Her lungs hurt, they hurt. Why did they hurt? She managed to steady and then something was brushing up against the-chin-that-wasn't-hers and pushed her head up, exposing the soft, fleshy part of her neck. 

_ _01001110 01101111_ _

_No._

_ _01001110 01101111_ _

The roaring was back, the waterfall that pounded and crashed. The smoke smelled like blood and she choked on it.

She was shaking.

She didn’t understand.

Something wrapped around her throat.

_ _01001110 01101111_ _

And

_ _01001110 01101111_ _

it

_ _01001110 01101111_ _

_squeezed_ _._

_01001110_ _-O_ _!_

_NO!_

Pidge was thrown to the side with a snarl and she crashed into the ground, rolling into a heap of limbs that buzzed as if they were made of swarming wasps. There was an agony in her ribs that seemed to tear straight into her lungs because she couldn't breathe she couldn't breathe she couldn't—

"I've got you," someone said above her, voice soft, "It's alright, Pidge, it's alright—"

She pushed herself up and away from whoever it was, shaking her head frantically and sobbing because there was something  _wrong,_ something so, so  _wrong_ and she could still feel the hand on her back and that voice in her head and she couldn't she couldn't—

Pidge gagged and leaned over, vomit hitting the ground as she shoulders shook and she choked on the oxygen already in her lungs and coughed violently. 

A hand touched her leg and she  _shrieked_ , pulling back and hitting the wall with her hands pressed over her ears and eyes shut as tight as they could go until it felt as though they could be squeezed right out of her skull. 

"She won't respond to me!" Whoever was next to her had a loud voice, a loud voice that was unlike the one that had whispered in her mind, who had pulled at her and layered her with sweet fog and painlessness. It had been regal, it had been strict.

She whimpered.

"Pidge?" A different voice was there. Deeper. Softer. "Pidge? Hey, it's Lance I gotta... I gotta get you out of here, okay?"

Her head shook. 

_No. No. No. No._

She didn't want anyone to touch her.

She didn't want anyone to touch her ever  _again_.

"Hey,  _hey,_ " His voice softened."It's okay, amorcita, it's okay—I won't touch you, okay?"

Pidge sniffled.

"You just gotta get to your feet, just gotta get up and walk."

 _Walk_.

Her heart thumped heavily in her chest and ice coated her lungs. 

 _Walk_.

"NO!"

She won't do it, she won't she won't she won't she  _won't_.

Sobs were shaking her entire body and Pidge could barely breathe at the strength of them, each one ripping through her throat and her lungs, carving sigils on her tongue so she couldn't manage to get enough.

"Okay, we won't walk, we won't, I promise," Lance's voice barely broke through the roaring in her ears but she still managed to hear him. "What if we ran, huh? What if we just ran away from it all?"

Pidge wiped her nose and sniffled, tears were still dripping heavily down her cheeks and her shoulders were still shaking. Lance was smiling at her. His grin was patient and kind even though his eyes burned. 

She nodded and flinched away from his hand as he reached out. 

He didn't touch her, though.

That didn't mean she touched him.

Instead, Pidge used the wall to get up to her shaking knees. There was a roar some distance away and she realized that the other Paladins were elsewhere. Fighting, it sounded like. "W-what—" Her voice was hoarse and she swallowed, but it just made it hurt more.

"They're kicking Lotor off the ship," Lance said, his face hard as he looked in the direction the sound was coming from. It softened when he looked back at her. "So, what about a race? Whoever gets to your room first has to do the dishes all this week."

She wiped the tears and snot away from her face. "We have a dishwasher," Pidge pointed out but he pouted and she agreed. 

It wasn't that long of a race and the moment they had gotten to her room, the mattress and blankets and  _dark_  had looked so inviting that she had simply dove into them, leaving Lance at the door with nary a goodbye. She fell asleep in her Paladin armor and woke up to the sounds of footsteps but was too groggy to even concentrate on them.

"Will she be alright?" Keith's voice was soft and she buried her cheek into her pillow.

"No," Allura sounded sad which wasn't quite right but she was too tired and the Princess could be sad if she wanted to, "But one day she might be okay."

**Author's Note:**

> It’s okay it’s okay cause they don’t read it they don’t read it anyways I can rip holes in myself I could tear myself down and reveal every little thing about myself and they’ll never know they’ll never ever fucking know


End file.
